Arthritis, Pneumonia and the Damage Done

Tonight I met with my trainer. We normally meet twice a month, but with my tax return I bought extra sessions so we have been meeting weekly. I think we will be meeting weekly though the end of May.

As you may know, I have been having problems with my hands since late November, early December, and while trying to get a correct diagnosis there, I was diagnosed with pneumonia at the beginning of February after being sick for 2 weeks and was finally cleared of that March 5th. And then on March 7th I  got into an arthritis specialist who diagnosed me as having some rare kind of osteoarthritis that has a fast onset, and is often misdiagnosed as Rheumatoid arthritis. I am now on meds that they give to Rheumatoid patients (and it is actually an anti-malaria med).

So it’s been a bad winter, more or less. Through all of this, I never missed a session with my trainer, though at the height of the pneumonia we might have postponed a week. My trainer, Amanda, sets up programs that we cycle through. One week is Stability week (the dreaded Bosu ball), then endurance week and lastly strength week. Today was the first time we have gone to strength since the beginning of February (right before the pneumonia diagnosis). Strength basically means that we are doing a smaller number of reps (10 instead of 15), at a higher weight and at tempo. Tempo means that you are pushing out at a 1 count and then back in on a 4 count.

I can’t believe what a toll being sick has done on what I can do. With the arthritis there were many weeks when I couldn’t grasp a dumbbell or a kettle bell, and so we often just focused on lower body, or water workouts.

Tonight I had to do inclined chest press with dumb bells. I could only do 12lb whereas 4 months ago I was doing 25lbs. Lat pulldown went from 65 to 50. Seated row from 65 to 50. However my legs all went up:  one leg seated leg-press went from 90 to 95 and single leg seated hamstring went from 45 to 50 – which is what everything should do on Strength week.

It has really been so frustrating. I know that the strength will come back once my hands get better, and I can build up the muscle again, but hate the feeling of regressing. All I can do is keep doing it.. keep on keeping on.

I also have to take in my food diary, which I am horrible about. I quickly printed off some pages from Lose it, and took those in. Unfortunately they were from the weekend which is when I struggle the most with nutrition. Her note written over it were “VEGGIES!!!!!!” and “PROTEIN??”

My work day is structured enough, that it makes it easier to make sure I am eating correctly. Get done answering phones, have my morning protein. Wait for the mail.. have my cranberries and nuts. Done with the deposit, heat up my lunch.  Without that structure on the weekends, I suck at eating correctly. I am not sure what I can do to change that. I need to do something to trick myself into eating right. The sooner, the better.

Just gotta keep on keeping on…

Breaking down at 50

Turning 50 has not been a lot of fun, and I am sure someone told me it would be. I have blogged earlier about some problems I was having problems with my hands and my thumbs.  I had self-diagnosed arthritis just because it seemed to make sense. Earlier today I wrote an email to some friends of mine covering my medical journey since December or so.  Here is what I wrote:

This maybe my last email ever….

Well probably not, but damn I am on an unlucky streak!

So let me catch you up to date on “Susan’s Health Adventure”

As most of you know I have been having trouble with my hands since early December
if not earlier than that. At that time my Dr put me on an anti-inflammatory and told me
to give it 3 weeks to work… and not take any aleve while on it. It was the most painful
three weeks ever, and I actually cheated on Christmas day and took aleve because
who wants to be useless and in pain on Christmas! If I can’t unwrap presents and
fill a plate at a buffet, what good am I to this world??

So when that med didn’t work, I went back and told him that at this point I could deal
with the swollen fingers, I just needed something for the thumb pain. He put me in a
thumb splint and I was told to wear it for 2 weeks, all day except showering or swimming.
When I told me boss about it, her response was “Are you telling me that I am to pay you to sit in your office and do nothing for two weeks?” That was after I explained to her that I understood I would have to take it off to so some of my work. Sigh. I gave up on the splint quickly.

And then Pneumonia came knocking at the door. My brother thought I was having a heart
attack the day he took me to the walk-in clinic as I was in so much pain. It actually took
three doctors visits before I got the pneumonia diagnosis.  At one point I was sent for a ultrasound to see if I had a gallbladder issue, and that turned out negative but it showed possible the start of fatty liver. Bloodwork the next showed negative for that. That was also the day I couldn’t breath, which led me to the Walk in clinic the next day, and an EKG, Xray of the lung and possible cat scan. Cat scan was canceled as X-ray showed left lung pneumonia.  So all in all by the time I was officially cleared of the pneumonia I had probably had it for 5 weeks

The day I went in for my final x-ray I also decided to go back to dealing with my hands. Things
had gotten worse. My wrists were weak and I often had to use two hands to do anything, including
turn a door knob, brush my teeth, etc. And then I was starting to have pain in my right knee. Getting
up from a seated position was painful. I was having trouble sleeping at night because pain in my hands and arms would wake me up so much, And I was getting very depressed. I would start crying all the time. At the grocery store, at home. It took me forever to get dressed in the morning that I would finally get to my car to leave for work and just cry as I drove to work.

So that visit to the Dr, was, of course, the first good hand day I had in weeks! I think only one or two fingers were swollen, my thumbs didn’t hurt. That’s how it always goes. He sent me for blood work to see if I had any markers for Rheumatoid Arthritis. The bloodwork came back positive for inflammatory markers  so he referred me to an Arthritis specialist. They had no openings until May (!!) but while the drs nurse was on the phone with them someone canceled for the next day (YAY!!)

Btw this is what my hands look like now on a good day (though this is a picture of someone with Juvenile Rheumatoid):

This is my fear of what my hands will look like soon if Rheumatoid:

(I already have some small knobs on my first-from the nail- knuckle of my left index finger)

So a week ago last Wednesday I went to see him . I had never spent so much time in an exam room with a Dr in my life! My appointment was at 3 and I walked out at 4:30 and very little of that was waiting time. He took my full history. He was able to pull up x-rays that my Dr took of my hands in December.  Finally after everything he felt that I didn’t have Rheumatoid but a rare type of Osteoarthritis that comes on really fast. He wanted to do some more bloodwork that was more detailed than what my dr did to look for actual Rheumatoid markers but felt that he was right. They took 5 viles of my blood!

He put me on two meds. One Hydroxychloroquine is an anti-malaria med okayed by the FDA for
using in Rheumatoid. Its the one the have the best results with. He said they use also for Osteo
but it isn’t FDA approved for osteo, only because it is now a generic and no company
wants to spend the money to get it approved. The downside: It takes 3-6 months before you
can start to see improvement!!!!! MONTHS!!! Also one of the side effects is that you lose
your peripheral vision and your color vision. So I have to see an ophthalmologist every
year as they have special equipment that can detect that and see the signs early enough to
stop it.
I am also on Naproxen 500mg. He decided that since aleve did well for me he would just
give me a prescription for it so that would save me money, and it would work to bridge the
time before the other meds starts to work.

So I felt a lot better to have a diagnosis and a plan. The 3-6 month thing isn’t the best
but the naproxen seems to be helping and I noticed this last Sunday, Monday and Tuesday
that my hand and knee pain seemed much better, and I have had little swelling in my fingers.

On Monday I met with my trainer and we did a pool workout. One of the things she had me do
was this kick back that works the hamstrings. As I did one I thought “hmm that doesn’t feel right”
but kept on. I went back Tuesday and repeated the workout and when I did the kickbacks I felt
it again. A little worse. I assumed my sciatic nerve was acting up so I tried to do some stretching
exercises, etc to help it out. Wednesday, at work, I couldn’t find a position to put my right leg that didn’t
start hurting after a while. And getting out of my chair was really painful. I decided not to go back to
the pool that night and went home. I got no sleep at all. My whole leg from mid thigh to mid
calf was so painful. At work on Thursday it hurt to stay in my seat. Getting up was painful but
walking made it better. I walked a lot of laps around my little office.

Friday morning was a repeat. I get off at noon on Fridays so I called my Dr and made an appointment.
Apparently I screwed up a muscle and he called in a script for Prednisone (anyone watch Smash??)
I also told him that I felt he must be sick of seeing me by now, as I think I have been in his office more
times since the beginning of the year than probably the past 5 years combined. He said things go like
that sometimes. You’ll go forever without needed to come in and then sometimes its one thing after
another.

I started the prednisone today. 6 pills today, 5 tomorrow, 4 monday, etc… He said it will make
me really energized (will my apartment finally get cleaned?) and so I am to take a muscle relaxer
at night to help reverse that as well as any leg pain. I took 3 pills at 8am and the other 3 at noon.

I don’t know how it works or how long it works ,but I was able to sit down and write this whole thing
and not be in pain! The big question is how long was it take before the rage sets in and I start
yelling at Malcolm for looking at me wrong?

Anyway, with the luck I am having, I assume I will go stand out on my balcony and it will collapse,
or if I go to the grocery store, it will blow up or something so just in case, I thought I should
write my last email ever!

However I doubt any of that will happen and you will be stuck with me! Sorry!

So there you go. I turned 50 and am coming apart at the seams.

Home

This little house is the house I grew up in and lived in most of my life. The little house on Linnwill. In truth I will always think of myself as a “Linnwillian” first and an Iowan second. I wouldn’t say it was a house full of happy times, as a lot of sadness lived there. But it was my home. I lived there on and off, mostly on for all of my life, until 2005 when my mother died.

It was small, the main floor only 848 sq feet, but the truth is, I never thought of it as small until someone asked me once how three people who could have lived in that little house at the same time. My brother lived and mostly stayed in the basement. I had my own room. We all shared one TV – which was always on. Always.

This is my house in the early morning on May 6^th 1986. Oh yeah and that is my wee little LeCar sitting out in front parked on the street, or the creek, depending how you look at it. This was a time when living in the basement wasn’t such a good thing for my brother! Oh well, he got a new bed out of the situation. And I got a new car. Who got the better deal?

One of the best things about growing up there was that our back yard opened up to Legion Park.

Swing sets, jungle gyms, slides, teeter totter. A wading pool. A Tennis court that became an ice skating rink in the winter. A baseball field, a basketball court. I loved that park and certainly felt like I was a part if it, and it was a part of me. I remember once, when I was about 20 or so, sitting in the park once night, a few friends and I, when a cop car drove in and parked. And the cop came over and ordered us to leave, as the park closed at 10. I actually said to him “I don’t understand, this is my park”. I did understand, I just never thought of it as something that closed. I mean it was my back yard.

The park looks nothing like it did in those days. Three tennis courts are now one. Both shelter houses have been torn down and new fancy things rebuilt in their place. The good old metal, they should last forever toys were all removed and replaced with some sort of manufactured stuff that is at ever playground everywhere. All the risk was removed! I cut my head open when I was four on the jungle gym and had to have stitches. Now that my friend is a true jungle gym! Today’s kids are pampered.

I couldn’t find any pictures of the park “back in the day” but found this on the Parks and Rec website. It doesn’t show much. And this isn’t the park how I care to remember it.

Anyway, all of this makes me think of this song by Karla Bonoff:

Home

Traveling at night,
The headlights were bright.
But soon the sun came through the trees
Around the next bend
The flowers will send
The sweet scene of home in the breeze

And Home
Sings me of sweet things
My life there has it’s own wings
To fly over the mountains
Though I’m standing still

Opposable

Since about early September or so, I have been having problems with arthritis in my left hand.  I am left handed so it has been, well, rather inconvenient. Slowly it got worse and worse, until sometime in November I lost use of my left thumb.

It was no longer opposable. Just… well… straight.

Pretty much just like the picture above. 24/7. Painful and immovable.

As December came, it just got worse, and the right hand was also starting to show arthritis. Dressing in the morning became a chore, especially putting on my bra, tying my shoes.  Putting on gloves made it worse. Scraping car windows wasn’t pleasant, and pulling on my seatbelt made me want to bite through my lip. There were many mornings where I was crying as I drove to work.

Typing wasn’t too bad as the thumb doesn’t do much but hit the space bar. Writing was very painful, and so no Christmas Cards were sent this year. I had to use pliers to open up my pop bottles!

Finally I gave up and went to the Doctor who prescribed something called Rabumetone which is an anti-inflammatory for arthritis. He also had me go to radiology and have a series of hand pictures taken. The last one, the tech said.. now make an “Okay” sign. When i said I couldn’t do that, she walked over and with some sort of evil smile on her face (not really) she took my hands and made a damn “okay” sign. Ex..cruc..iat… ing. Ahhh.

And the medicine just made it worse. The doctor said a couple of things – give it a good three weeks and don’t take any Aleve or Advil. There were days during the past three weeks when I wanted to sit at my desk at work and cry. Every joint in my body started hurting. I had to have a friend wrap my presents for me. She also had to buckle my seat belt for me on a day we went shopping together (suddenly I was suddenly elderly!)

It all came to a head this past Friday night. I took a nap and woke up, unable to use my hands at all. I tried to cook dinner and could barely stir the pot. I couldn’t use the can opener and to open a little packet of taco seasoning, I needed scissors. I felt like I had no hands at all. Just balls of uselessness stuck at my wrists.

Luckily Saturday the hands were a little better. I decided to go to the gym and swim. I love to swim as often it is just me and a few people, and it is very meditative, just slowly swimming lap after lap. I spent 45 minutes in the pool and got out and did 10 minutes in the whirlpool.

I felt like a new person. My hands felt great. I also made the decision to stop the medication, three days before the 3 week mark. I was done with that.

And an amazing thing happened…

Is that thumb looking all bendy?? Why yes it is! It bends! It moves! No pain!

I can almost make a full fist on both hand too. There is still some tightness in the fingers but no pain and it is so much better. I got dressed today with no pain. I put on my bra, I tied my shoes and I put on my gloves. I scraped my windows and put on my seat belt. No tears!

I went swimming again tonight. And I can’t help but saying it…. I feel A-okay.

And totally opposable!

 

Changes.. finally

Well there is it. The long dark wait is over. I have officially changed the name of my blog.

An Iowa Life.

It’s just one single life in Iowa.  I don’t expect it to be a representation of every Iowan’s life,

Just me.

Just mine.

Here.

Where this goes and where I take it are up in the air, but with a more generalized title I think

I will feel like I can post more about anything.

Like this.

That was sitting in my parking lot today. Poor old chair. I’ve been feeling a lot like that lately.

So has my blog.

Poor thing.

A Hero Gone

This has been a sad week for me. Sunday one of my heroes died.

 

I am going to write a story that most of you have no interest in and do not need to read, I just need to write it. Sorry.

I have been an indycar racing fan for as long as I can remember. When I was a kid my favorite driver was Bobby Unser. Later I became a Rick Mears fan. I drifted away for a few years until the mid90s when a young Italian came on the scene and l was a newly committed Team Target  fan, that year Alex Zanardi won rookie of the year and his team mate Jimmy Vasser won the championship. A few years later I drifted away again. The split, Greg Moore’s death, and then not long after 9/11, Alex lost his legs in a race in Germany.

When Iowa Speedway opened up, Indycar racing came too. I couldn’t wait to go to my first race, and immediately planned to check out the Team Target paddock.  And there was Dan Wheldon. And he was hot! He had a new fan!  That was the year of the devastating Iowa floods. When Wheldon won the race that day he donated his winnings to the flood relief. Now he had a fan for life.

 

(Wheldon Banner at Iowa Speedway 2009)

 

In 2010 I won pit passes from NewmanHaas. Being able to be in the pits put you way too close to the action… And the drivers. Passing Dan Wheldon in the pits, I stopped and wished him luck. He thanked me. I was over the moon.

(Getting in his car in 2010)

 (his back- in his pits in 2010 – I have about 5 pictures of his back!)

 

 (There’s the side view!)

 

 (At pit in after completing qualifying)

 

This season Dan was without ride, but was able to put together a one-off and in a surprising turn of events, he won the Indy 500 – for the second time.

The team he had driven for in the 500 had been chosen as the test team for the new car coming out in 2012, and so Dan was chosen as the driver.  That didn’t start until August so he took a job as a commentator on the Versus channel for as few races.  That brought him back to Iowa.

 

This year I won pit passes as well as access and all meals in the paddock club. This is where league officials and the broadcast team eat. Catered, and excellent food! And Dan Wheldon.

My brother and I were sitting at a table eating when Dan walked in. I turned into a 50 yr old junior high schooler “oh my god…  Oh my god… there’s Dan Wheldon!!” I said to my brother, who was used to this Wheldon-induced reaction from me. Dan sat at table behind me. I was both frustrated that he was behind me so I couldn’t stare at him, and relieved that he was behind me so I couldn’t stare at him.

 

(With Robin Miller for Versus)

Since he was the current  500 winner, and without a ride, INDYCAR came up with a challenge. Dan would start the last race in the last position and if he won, he and a chosen fan would split 5 million dollars. After practices and qualifying many drivers complained that the racing there was too dangerous. A high banked 1.5 mile oval with too much grip in open wheel cars with too much downforce and speeds of 225 mph.

12 laps in, one car in a mid-pack of cars drifted, touched wheels with the next car and triggered 15 car pile-up.  It was fire and shredded metal.  4 cars got airborne. Will Power, Pippa Mann, and JR Hildebrand were lucky to walk away, but ironically the safety of these cars saved their lives and they are now all out of the hospital.  Sadly the car couldn’t save Dan.

At 33 yrs old, he leaves behind a wife, Susie, sons Sebastian 2yrs and Oliver 7 months.

And he leaves behind a heartbroken community, of which I am one.

 

His legacy will live on. Besides his face on the Borg-Warner trophy twice, the new 2012 car, which he was the test driver, will be named after him.

 

RIP Dan Wheldon – Lionheart.

Here is a link that Indycar has set up:

The Dan Wheldon Memorial Site

 

Donations for his family can be sent to:

Fifth Third Private Bank
Attn: Dan Wheldon Family Trust
251 North Illinois St.
Suite 1000
Indianapolis, IN 46204

Also Graham Rahal has been spearheading an auction with the proceeds going to the Wheldon Family. More information about it will be available at the memorial site.

Life in The Junction

Valley Junction, the historic part of the town I live in, has a farmers market every Thursday evening. Also along with that is Music in The Junction. I meet my friends there most Thursdays from May to October. It’s a big part of my social life and something that I miss after market season is over. Living alone, I guess I have come to depend on certain things for regular social outings. This is the big one!

Here is a guy playing a violin in the doorway of the newly remodeled original city hall. The “doorway” he is standing in was the entrance for the fire truck… back in the day.

I don’t know these people… thankfully…

Saturday and Sunday this past weekend was “Smokin’ in the Junction”. A Barbeque contest and they had bands playing from about 11am-10pm both nights. We went down on Saturday.

Here are my peeps:

Note that not much is happening by us. We sat at our usual location where we normally sit on Thursdays but instead of the band being at the permanent stage in front of us.. it was over on the main street. Over there under the arch:

Here are some crowd shots:

And what would we do if there wasn’t a guy in a kilt at the temporary tattoo stand:

So that’s where I will be most Thursdays this summer. My hope is that this will help me get out of my little “funk” and get back to it.

Just a week ago…

It’s seems like just a week ago that I had a little baby fit. I held my breathe, I jumped up and down shaking my fist. I cried. I turned red, then I turned blue, then a little purple.  All the time screaming “I don’t wanna… I don’t wanna…. I don’t wanna“.  (Yes, I was screaming and holding my breath and crying all at the time! Talented!)

What a baby!

Oh hell, it happens to us all, doesn’t it?

However I went last Monday night (yes it was a week ago!) and talked to my trainer… using up way to much of our time on my piddly little problems.  I am an emotional eater, I am! And apparently I am pretty emotional- like all the time!  I talked about going back to Weight Watchers, however my trainer isn’t a fan. She doesn’t think that counting points is a good way to set me up for a life change, nor does it help with the emotions. She did however whisper the word “Therapy”.

As in “Have you ever thought that maybe you should deal with this issue in therapy“. The “therapy” whispered of course. That made me smile a little.

I think hypnosis sounds way better.  Hypnosis won’t make me cry and say how mean my mother was (She was! She was! I’ll blame her!) I tried to look on line to see if there was someone in the area that practices hypnosis, but I got sidetracked by a free download for my computer.  Then once I had that downloaded, I got sidetracked by falling asleep trying to listen to the little compute man hypnotize me. My computer was on my lap when I started, and it was turned off and closed, sitting on the table when I woke up. Had I been hypnotized to shut if off? Or, more likely, was my body rebelling against the idea of hypnosis and it turned off the computer? It’s my body saying it will eat donuts and pizza as much as it wants, damn it.. nothing is going to stop it!

So I shall get back to that web search.. we need a professional.. software (and maybe the fact that I am just too tired in the evenings) will not overpower my body’s – well my mind’s- needs!

I also ordered a book from Amazon called Shrink Yourself: Break Free from Emotional Eating Forever by Roger Gould. Will it work? I don’t know. I do know that until I charge up my Kindle, I won’t find out.

So what have we learned this week?

1-      Therapy is word that should only be whispered and then avoided at all cost.

2-      My body has practically superhuman ability to control me even though hypnosis. Now maybe next it could clean house while I sleep.

3-      Someone needs to charge up their Kindle and actually use it.

I really need to do the last one, because I also bought a Madeleine Wickham book, and damn it I need my chick lit!

Anyway, I am about to go change into my work clothes and head out over to the gym. And work out my lower body. Arg. But I am doing it. I am going. I plan to whine to myself the whole way there. That will never change. No hypnosis or self-help book could ever change my amount of whining! Not Therapy either!

And I also wanted to thank my friends who commented last week. Having support means a lot, especially when you are in the trenches and there is no skinny little daylight looking back at you. Thanks guys!

To Stop & Give Up

I have to meet with my trainer in 30 minutes and all I want to do is go home.

I have been sitting here for about 45 minutes trying to think of excuses to stop

and give up. To stop and give up.

I have to weigh in tonight and have probably gained about 7 lbs this month alone. I am at the

exact same place I was almost 6 yrs ago when I gave up as well. I don’t think I have lost any

weight in 6 months and the only inspiration I can come up with to walk in that door tonight is

that I can get done 30 minutes later, go home and have a pizza and maybe some donuts to

go with it. Seriously. This is all I can think about.

I don’t know what the F**K to do, except give up.

In two hours, I doubt I will feel this same way, but I am sure I will be eating a pizza by then.

I just don’t know how to get past this point and get back to it. I haven’t figured it out for

the past 6 months and truly believe that I just simply won’t.

Just Simply Won’t

Mother’s Day

I was at the grocery store Friday and when I went to leave, I saw all these baskets lined up, with floral bouquets
that said “Saturday Delivery” signs on them. I’d never seen that before. A guy was standing there who worked
there and I almost said “What’s the occasion”… but luckily it dawned on my right then.

Oh yeah.

Mother’s Day.

So it was time to visit.

Flowers for Mom.

And for Dad