This is the face of the enemy:
The Bosu Ball. The Enemy. My Enemy.
There are no worse words to see on a trainer sheet that holds your strength regimen for the next 2 weeks then “Bosu” .
I am pretty sure in some now unspoken ancient language, Bosu meant “Don’t stand on this fucking thing”…
But since it is a now unspoken ancient language, it seems trainers do not know that.
When I saw Amanda filling out my form for the next two weeks, I gasped. Loudly. I was minutes away from
breaking down into tears and curling up in a fetal position. Instead, I gasped again. I informed Amanda
that I didn’t believe people were meant to stand on them. Sit – sure. Lay down, why not? Huh.. nope,
her evilness was all plotted out.
The exercise was the single arm row on the cable machine while standing on the bosu ball. Crazy!
Amanda reminded me about when I had to single arm rows while standing on one foot. that was the
preparation for this thing.. this bosu thing.
The little blue disk of evil.
Now understand, it’s called a Bosu Ball. Get that last word. Ball. Honey, there ain’t no ball there.
It’s a stability ball, cut in half mounted on a platform. Hey Bosu.. you aren’t a ball, you sucker!!!!
You little blue disk of evil.
So we went through the sheet. The plank – done. Chest press with dumb bells while laying on the
stability ball.. done. Skull crushers on the ball – done (skull crushing averted!). Now Amanda
was picking up the bosu ball. Eek.
“Go ahead and step up on it” She said.
I looked at her. “First off. When I fall off screaming, I need to make sure no one will laugh at me”
“Secondly, when I break both my ankles while falling off, I need to make sure you guys will call
“Don’t worry,” she said, “We know their number well”
She held my hands and I stepped up, knowing ankle breakage was coming. She started to let go and I quickly reached
up and held the over head bar of the cable machine above my head. And that was how I did my one arm rows. Feet
barely on the Bosu, One arm rowing and one arm held firmly above my head… knowing that my life was literally in my hand.
A couple of times I actually let go for about 1/2 a second. Barely.
When it was over and both arms had alternately rowed and balanced my life safely, Amanda said to step off.
Ah..how? I am not tall enough to hold the bar from the floor and if I let go, my life will flash before my eyes. Eek.
Luckily I noticed that one of the handles off of the bar tilted downward. Holding on for dear life I stepped off.
“You did it” Amanda said.
“I didn’t die!” I said, self-deprecatingly.
We had two more exercises to do (Ham string curls with the ball and crunches for those curious). Then my time with
Amanda was over. HOWEVER.. I had to repeat everything before I could go home. Oh Bosu.. you shall kill me yet.
When it was “Bosu Time” I stood for a long time talking (in my head) to the bosu. Somehow I was able to step up and
quickly grab the bar again. I did my arm rows as fast as I could and got the hell off.
I finished my workout and then saw the Bosu. Sort of staring at me. Taunting me. So I walked over to it. I wanted to rip it’s
little heart out, but instead I kicked it. I kicked it closer to the rail. Then I practiced stepping off and on, while holding on the
side rail. But I knew… for two weeks I was going to be working with this disk of evil, and I better master it…. So I left.
Tonight was Cardio night. Ahh.. the elliptical… it’s not evil! It’s almost angelic in comparison. Every 13 minutes I stopped
and walked some laps around the track. There was the disk of evil calling my name.
Finally at the end of cardio, I approached the disk. I kicked it.. next to another machine where I could hold on again.
I looked at Bosu and I said “Look, I will make you a deal. Don’t break my ankles and I will agree to your right to call yourself
a ball” Bosu seemed to agree.
7 times I stepped on that “ball”. Each time I wobbled in place. Not holding on to anything for 45 seconds. 55 seconds.
I could never do a full minute. I also couldn’t step on it without holding to the machine next to me. Finally, after
the 7th time. I kicked her again.. This time away from the machine. Out of reach.
I stepped. One foot. The other foot. I stood….. well okay I wobbled. 30 seconds. I stepped down.
My ankles were intact. My fear of the Bosu had lessened (a little tiny bit).
I went home.
Next I think she will have me do something crazy like squats on the Bosu. She’s just that evil.