Just a week ago…

It’s seems like just a week ago that I had a little baby fit. I held my breathe, I jumped up and down shaking my fist. I cried. I turned red, then I turned blue, then a little purple.  All the time screaming “I don’t wanna… I don’t wanna…. I don’t wanna“.  (Yes, I was screaming and holding my breath and crying all at the time! Talented!)

What a baby!

Oh hell, it happens to us all, doesn’t it?

However I went last Monday night (yes it was a week ago!) and talked to my trainer… using up way to much of our time on my piddly little problems.  I am an emotional eater, I am! And apparently I am pretty emotional- like all the time!  I talked about going back to Weight Watchers, however my trainer isn’t a fan. She doesn’t think that counting points is a good way to set me up for a life change, nor does it help with the emotions. She did however whisper the word “Therapy”.

As in “Have you ever thought that maybe you should deal with this issue in therapy“. The “therapy” whispered of course. That made me smile a little.

I think hypnosis sounds way better.  Hypnosis won’t make me cry and say how mean my mother was (She was! She was! I’ll blame her!) I tried to look on line to see if there was someone in the area that practices hypnosis, but I got sidetracked by a free download for my computer.  Then once I had that downloaded, I got sidetracked by falling asleep trying to listen to the little compute man hypnotize me. My computer was on my lap when I started, and it was turned off and closed, sitting on the table when I woke up. Had I been hypnotized to shut if off? Or, more likely, was my body rebelling against the idea of hypnosis and it turned off the computer? It’s my body saying it will eat donuts and pizza as much as it wants, damn it.. nothing is going to stop it!

So I shall get back to that web search.. we need a professional.. software (and maybe the fact that I am just too tired in the evenings) will not overpower my body’s – well my mind’s- needs!

I also ordered a book from Amazon called Shrink Yourself: Break Free from Emotional Eating Forever by Roger Gould. Will it work? I don’t know. I do know that until I charge up my Kindle, I won’t find out.

So what have we learned this week?

1-      Therapy is word that should only be whispered and then avoided at all cost.

2-      My body has practically superhuman ability to control me even though hypnosis. Now maybe next it could clean house while I sleep.

3-      Someone needs to charge up their Kindle and actually use it.

I really need to do the last one, because I also bought a Madeleine Wickham book, and damn it I need my chick lit!

Anyway, I am about to go change into my work clothes and head out over to the gym. And work out my lower body. Arg. But I am doing it. I am going. I plan to whine to myself the whole way there. That will never change. No hypnosis or self-help book could ever change my amount of whining! Not Therapy either!

And I also wanted to thank my friends who commented last week. Having support means a lot, especially when you are in the trenches and there is no skinny little daylight looking back at you. Thanks guys!

To Stop & Give Up

I have to meet with my trainer in 30 minutes and all I want to do is go home.

I have been sitting here for about 45 minutes trying to think of excuses to stop

and give up. To stop and give up.

I have to weigh in tonight and have probably gained about 7 lbs this month alone. I am at the

exact same place I was almost 6 yrs ago when I gave up as well. I don’t think I have lost any

weight in 6 months and the only inspiration I can come up with to walk in that door tonight is

that I can get done 30 minutes later, go home and have a pizza and maybe some donuts to

go with it. Seriously. This is all I can think about.

I don’t know what the F**K to do, except give up.

In two hours, I doubt I will feel this same way, but I am sure I will be eating a pizza by then.

I just don’t know how to get past this point and get back to it. I haven’t figured it out for

the past 6 months and truly believe that I just simply won’t.

Just Simply Won’t

Mother’s Day

I was at the grocery store Friday and when I went to leave, I saw all these baskets lined up, with floral bouquets
that said “Saturday Delivery” signs on them. I’d never seen that before. A guy was standing there who worked
there and I almost said “What’s the occasion”… but luckily it dawned on my right then.

Oh yeah.

Mother’s Day.

So it was time to visit.

Flowers for Mom.

And for Dad